“feeling of attachment I did not like at all”
You know I forgot to tell you about a couple more things I began to feel. This was new for me, causing a bit of inner turmoil. First thing pertains to the house I was living in. I had just about gotten it decorated in way that way really fulfilling the vision I had for it. It had a cozy, comforting style, some old mixed with new, a couple winged back chairs and chest of drawers in the living room for example. Anyway, one day out of nowhere it hit me. I felt this feeling of attachment that I did not like at all. As a matter of fact ( by the way this happens to be the second thing), not realizing it, I had started a pattern of saying to my spouse, “Even though times are bad the end may not come in my lifetime”. What in the world was happening to my views? I was supposed to be eagerly striving to……yes….be happy, however not to be attached to a dying world. I was to live everyday like it was the last of these times.
“Father loved me unconditionally but….”
The last thing that comes to mind was a strong desire I began to have to get some serious cosmetic work done. This was soooooo not me. Why would I, a person all for positive self image and teaching that to the children start going down this road. Yes, I knew my heavenly Father loved me unconditionally but I reasoned with myself that HE understood that my intentions were not at all out of place. This was for me and my self esteem. My health was great but that wasn’t enough. I needed to me sliced up, augmented and stuffed to be happy with me….although claiming to love myself. Who was I kidding? I was believing one thing and lying to myself all along.
“some may say this is harmless”
So the unusual conflicts were 1.) Attachments (there is a big difference in loving, liking and caring vs attachments) 2.) losing touch with the reality that this world is dying; wanting it to last longer 3.) displeasure with self image, willing to take big risks. Some may say this is harmless, nothing but remember this was all coming up at a time when something deeper/spiritual was trying to push through that could change my life.
Something needed to happen to give me a kick, what would that be?……….
To be continued………..